Get your grub on.

If you think porn is just for sex, think again. There's plenty of other salacious media out there for all kinds of things -- home decor, cars, hunting, powerboating. If something gets your rocks off, there's a magazine at the Barnes&Noble waiting for you. For everyday foodies, there's Everyday Food, published by none other than Martha Stewart.
Martha's a really dirty girl. The photography in all her titles is totally porntastic: everything is obscenely delicious, shiny, glistening, extra steamy, full frontal and meticulously produced. Not one freakin' sugar crystal on that Chocolate Tube Bundt on the covershot is awry and I want to impress you by putting it in my mouth. Whole. Oh yeah, just like that. Don't stop.
But here's where it gets amateur: allegedly, we can make all this stuff ourselves. Now that ain't like porn at all. I have yet to answer the door for a special pizza delivery or reprimanded for naughty behavior in a jacuzzi. But upon reading, you soon realize it is like porn. Because I don't have any of the ingredients or equipment to make a damn cake in my apartment. Fresh vanilla pods? Kitchen aid stand alone mixer? Milk (like from a cow)? If I did, don't you think I'd be making a chocolate bundt cake like ALL THE TIME?
Luckily I have this magazine to get me through until I get bundt caked again.

[Everyday Food magazine, $2.95 on newsstands (www.marthastewart.com/everydayfood).]