E Coli is the new mastercleanse, which was the new zone, which was the new atkins

E Coli is having the Best Year Ever. It's EVERYWHERE. On the news. In your salad. Hanging out at Taco Bell.
E Coli is like the Tom Cruise of opportunistic bacterial infection world. It seeks you out, sucks the life from you, and leaves you like a thousand times skinnier (ahem, Nicole Kidman. And Katie, You In Danger, Girl.)
And like a Tom Cruise movie, you go in unwittingly, thinking you'll enjoy a little cinema, and leave thinking, "I really could have done without that." Isn't that how you feel after eating a chalupa from Taco Bell?
And like Tom's svengali act on Nicki Kidman, E Coli totally upgrades your profile. Taco Bell used to just give you an upset stomach and maybe the runs. Now it gives you a flat out condition: Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome or even Thrombotic Thrombocytopenic Purpura. Taco Bell totally got promoted.

[E Coli, $free. Coming to a processed bag of salad greens or baby carrots near you.]